Writing an album is hard.
Writing a book is daunting
Being in a band, quitting your job to travel and do what you love is scary.
Standing in front of thousands of people and boldly declaring what I believe is not for the faint of heart.
Marrying your high school sweetheart and supporting yourself is terrifying.
Here’s to taking risks and doing the things that other people only dream about because they are too afraid of life.
Here’s to taking on the things that people told me I could never do or would ever achieve.
I have to remember these things from time to time when I start to get intimidated by all the mountains in front me that I have yet to climb but are on my path. There is no getting away from it. I was born for this. I have purpose. So on the days I get down and discouraged I have to stare into the face of those mountains and say, “I can make you move and I will”. Just you wait.
One step at a time, but the journey is worth every step.
I am very excited about it. There are many things I am excited about for 2012.
Can’t say too much.
Stay tuned (;
I will never truly understand why God put me where He did and why this is my life. I trust it’s all a part of something bigger that I cannot see at this spot on the road.
I am not complaining in the least. There are more days that I wake up unbelievably grateful and in disbelief that I can call this life mine. God is just so big. He is just so big and so are His purposes. I cannot fully grasp it.
At first it was hard for me to accept the road I was given but I quickly learned how much better God’s plan was and is. He knew where I needed to be. Where I would be needed and where I would grow. He sees the big picture and we don’t. That doesn’t scare me. I’m not afraid of the future. He has led me every step of the way and he will not turn away.
So back to this not being my plan. To be in a rock band… Sounds so cool but I never wanted to be in a position of such vulnerability and criticism. Living in a boy’s world and many times feeling out of place and feeling the need to prove my right to be on stage. But it ha been the most beautiful growing experience of my life. And it could all end tomorrow and I would smile because it’s been worth it.
It’s been worth it cause for the first time in my young life I worked my hardest and not solely for my own gain.
Because the goal isn’t fame or money or even respect. It’s not about glamor or lights, appeal or well rehearsed shows. It’s about my heart learning to reach out and touch another with God’s love. Which, in the end, means its not even about me at all.
“You are mine, I am Yours
YOU are my great reward”
Sorry for my blogging absence. I don’t really have a good excuse but lookee here I am! I’m back!
I have been home quite a bit lately, which is odd for me but I am learning to adjust. I am this crazy season of….quiet. At first I was going mad but now I am seeing the value in being still that I never did before.
When I first entered this season of “down time” I viewed it as my time to catch up all the projects, ideas, books, friends…whatever, everything I couldn’t squeeze in before. Not. the. case. I tried this at first and God was like “Hey! Cut it out - I brought you here to be with me.” And I love that but the problem with spending time alone with God is that you inevitably end up spending a lot time with yourself.
“The closer you get to God the more you keep bumping in yourself”
I didn’t know how to be by myself, not in a self-sufficient way but to strip away all the accomplishments, opinions, and expectations and just be purely human. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like me. I much prefer me with all the sashes, ribbons, awards. I liked my little trophies more than I liked myself. What do you think God likes more? He could care less about my little showcase of achievements, He loves me. I didn’t know how to be alone without feeling like I was going crazy. Try it sometime - try to be alone and not do anything but think about you as a person and about your relationship with God. Don’t think about your plans for the weekend, or what you are going to eat for dinner or anything like that. That stuff is not WHO we are. Honestly, I hated being alone but through these last months now I have learned to treasure that time. God needed to work on me before I go back out into the world. I am in the sanctuary but soon I will be in the middle of a raging battlefield. I know that what is coming I am being prepared for right now. It doesn’t feel like much is happening but in my heart I am being re-made. Not only did I learn to be okay with myself when I am stripped away of all my earthly praise but I am learning to love myself as Christ loves me. I am learning how to confront my pain with His love and not with my own resolve. It’s a healing process but I am walking in the right direction and I know when this season is over I will be ten times more effective, and a way brighter light in the world.
Just being honest.
God is a God of more than enough. He is not skimpy but extravagant.
Some of us are poor. Poor in our wallets, poor in our spirits, poor in our expectations of what God can do in our lives.
Some of us are rich. Rich in material things, rich with friends and family, rich in the Holy Spirit and our faith in God.
Some of us are both and we don’t even realize it.
Why are so many of us poor when God intends for us to be rich? And don’t mistaken this for money or wealth - I mean our spirits. We let our spirits dry up and we starve ourselves from fellowship with the Holy Spirit. We are lonely, plagued by sadness and confusion about the future. We spend our time formulating our own plans for happiness only to find none. We are like un-watered plants, reaching for the sun but insist on setting in the shade. We want to hear God’s voice but don’t even give Him the time of day. God wants us to be rich, not even full but overflowing! Overflowing with what? Peace, love, content, goodness and all the fruit of a life that is close to God. Overflowing with joy and a sense of purpose. Wouldn’t you like to be rich?
Are you rich? Are you poor?
We like to ask God for stuff.
We like to ask God for selfish things and noble things, for ourselves and for other people. This isn’t really surprising though since we are human and flawed. In my quiet time with God, as I draw close to Him, He is showing me how much in my life needs to leave. And in my mind I’m pretty alright person but now I see there is such a long way to go.
Ask God for the ability to love more, ask Him to open your heart and He will break it with the things of this world that break His.
Ask God to help you trust Him better. He will take away the man-made securities you relied on to force you to lean on Him.
Ask God to allow you to be more patience (who hasn’t prayed this one) and He will give you situations that stretch you.
Ask God to show you His will for Your life - and He may shut the doors that you worked so hard in vain to open for yourself.
You cannot ask for any of these things without asking FOR GOD. God is love, trust, patience and the one who holds all of the world in His hands. Though all of these things sound harsh we cannot forget that BECAUSE God is love, He acts out of love and He loves us so much - more than we will ever comprehend. We are His glorious creations and He sees potential and promise no one else can. He knows we can handle it by relying on Him - He knows we will be better because of it.
I think one of my late and beloved Grandma’s favorite songs explains it best…
“Great is Thy faithfulness,” O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be
“Great is Thy faithfulness!” “Great is Thy faithfulness!”
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
”Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto
If we really knew what we were asking for when we prayed…maybe we would stop asking God for so much. But that isn’t the answer. We need to cry out to God to change us and lean on His promises that He will see us through with the peace that passes all understanding. The real problem is thinking that we don’t need Him to change us in the first place.
Let me bring you up to speed…
So on Sunday we played an awesome show in Louisville, OH with Hawk Nelson. Tons of people we knew were there and the guys from Hawk have to be some of the nicest “artists” I have ever met. It’s so refreshing to see people who have been a band for 10 plus years to still LOVE what they are doing.
The show in Louisville was also really spiritually refreshing for us. There are not many shows where you feel like you received more than you gave. Just to really frank, it’s usually us pouring ourselves out. We are there to minister and it’s always a joy but it is even more when the people we are ministering too immediately turn around and pour themselves into us. You have no idea what the means to us.
Nashville is really hot but the same other than that the same as it’s always been. It feels a little different than before. We have been down here so many times I think it’s beginning to lose it’s luster but I still love the city, don’t get me wrong. No one knows how to drive here. That’s the same.
I really can’t wait for our NEXT time down here. Song writing rules but I am so ready to get into the studio and start tracking for the album. I want to hear this album take form. Being is the studio is a magical thing. And we are almost ready…not quite, but almost (; it’s been a long time coming so we want to make it worth everyone’s wait.
On another note, there has been a million things rolling around in my head. So many things that God has been teaching me about that I hardly know what to start typing when I finally sit down to blog. I know I am growing in leaps and bounds right now which is awesome.
Until next time,
emily
I have pretty much lived on this futon.
Josh, Hudson and I are hanging with the great Jake Rye right now doing some song writing for the new album. We love Jake, so much we call him Uncle Jake! Early last year he wrote This Picture, Hourglasses and Dare to Dream with us - resulting in our first co-writing experience and 3 awesome songs! It feel like home here in his studio in Tecumseh, Michigan. We just live in the studio whenever we are here so getting to work involves me waking up and….sitting up and we start at it! Jake is the kinda guy you can be real with and he is real in return. He has seen us at our worst and our best. When things looked like they were falling apart and when it felt like the sky was the limit. He helped us grow so much. It’s been such a journey watching both of our “music careers” (haha whatever that means) take new form over the last year and a half that we’ve become friends.
So yeah, I am living on this futon. Notebook in hand, pillow pet named Taco at my side and a bunch of expensive looking recording equipment as my nightlight. Jake is moving in a few weeks - gonna miss this place and all the memories.
Next week, a few us head back to Nashville (NASHVILLE!!!!). Wish is also dear to my heart. To do…more writing. Ha, you are seeing a trend aren’t you? 25-30 songs and we still want more. Jon Foreman calls it overcreating - I like the way that sounds. I feel like the very best is still to come. Nashville is another place that feels like home away from home as we frequent is enough to get around without a GPS. The unnecessary amounts of Starbucks or local coffee shops, loud music and the good company of our business friends who have real jobs.
Writing this blog was interjected by a run to Taco Bell at 12:15am. Now that I have eaten a cheesy bean and rice burrito I am going to go to sleep so I can wake up with raging heartburn and write a hit song tomorrow. Oh the life haha!
-emily
Sorry I can’t be deep and contemplative everyday - wish I could but with all that’s been going on in my life and the endless hours of lyric writing (aka soul searching and spitting it out on paper) it leaves you a little empty.
And I am home sick. Sick days are the most disappointing wastes of time but they remind me that I am human and I just can’t do it all.
I just can’t, as much as I wish I could. Some days I am determined I can save the whole world and other days, like today, I feel small and worthless and sickly.
I used to get sick a lot more than this so whenever I do get sick it brings back those feelings of helplessness. But because of it I have never been to prone to feeling physically invincible as many young people too - if anything, I am overly cautious. I promise I will be back up and at ‘em in no time with a fighting spirit (:
Here’s to drinking lots of ginger ale and saltine crackers…and living in a human body!
-emily
